The Unwritten rules of Winter Golf

With the recent spell of cold weather we’ve been dealt a harsh lesson of how to keep warm on the course.

So when the wind whistles and the temperature drops think layers, layers, layers and unless you’ve been tipped the wink that George Clooney’s on the course, forget about fashion and the fact you’re probably going to waddle from tee to tee.

Keep your thongs and G-strings tucked well away in your drawers until they’re needed in the warmer months to avoid those unsightly vpls – what we girls do for fashion!   Instead keep those kidneys cosy by slipping into big bloomers, the kind that pull right up to your midriff.

Invest in a thermal vest (avoid beige unless you want to look like your Granny) and remember your mums wise words about “tucking it in”                                                                              
Okay, you’re unlikely to nip off for a hot date straight after the golf course wearing your ‘Bridget Jones’ and unflattering undies but believe me they’ll plug any gap nicely so there won’t be any wind whistling up your jacket.

Don a hat but avoid the woolly, prickly variety or you’ll be frantically scratching by the 2nd hole with fellow golfers wondering if you’ve picked up a few nits.
Accept the fact that you’ll start off feeling like a block of ice but are likely to be steaming nicely by the 5th hole (earlier if you’re menopausal) and by the 10th tee you’ll have probably boiled over and peeling bits off.
Outer mittens are a godsend but can prove cumbersome -   you try tying up your laces or negotiating zips and pockets with 1” of wadding.
Threading your mittens together through your sleeves may revive childhood memories of sensibility, particularly as you’re likely to slip them off and on about 100 times during a game.    Do bear in mind striking your golf club with a pair of mittens dangling from your arms could produce a most unusual flight path.
 Recognising the silhouette of golfing friends on the golf course, even with 20:20 vision, can be fraught with disaster as you strain to distinguish individuals from an army of rotund, well clad, Michelin like figures.   Best to be overfriendly and wave to everyone to avoid offending.
Looking on the bright side, winter may have it’s challenges but there are perks stepping onto the course in the nippy weather, for instance:

  • You’re likely to have a speedy round - let’s face it who’s going to waste time looking for balls. 
  • Not everyone will be a tough cookie like you so there’ll probably a scarcity of golfers on the course which means no hanging around
  • Bad weather’s one of the best excuses you can have for a rubbish round
  • You can justify consuming a whole Mars Bar on the basis of needing extra warming calories
  • Temporary tee cups are much larger – thank goodness

Of course, there’s always the option to hibernate and hunker down until the Summer but the lack of exercise tends to have a rapid, thickening effect on the waistline.  So if you want to avoid the ‘cuddly look’, engage your endorphins, get the gear and tiptoe out onto the turf.
Finally, the next time you’re struggling to hammer a tee peg into the frozen ground, think of the poor green keeping staff when they have to sink another cup!
 Copyright of Ladies4Golf – January 2011


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